Dear Sister (?)

I used to think that you realize my existence.
I used to think that what you did back then was somehow signals for me.
I used to be happy, over-excited, and sleep-less when you seemed giving me feedback.
I used to tell a close friend of mine that 'here it is', you weren't a doubt.
I used to talk with my self about you all night.

Then there you were, telling me how what I've been thinking all these time was wrong.
You made me stop expecting, stop wondering, and even stop over-thinking about you-signal-me.
I was screwed a bit that finally I kept telling myself it's just another first step.

Then there you were, ruining my life with your story for being dumped out of someone.
You made me start thinking again, this time in all-negatives-way about 'someone' you mean.
I was confused at first and worrying but then I reminded myself it's just another empty-wishes.

Now I use to think that I'm nothing for you but a stranger.
Now I use to think that what you do in your life has nothing to do with me.
Now I use to be such a "NUMB" person rather than a broken-heart.
Now I use to tell a close friend of mine nothing, especially about you.
Now I use to talk with myself about me, just me.

Then there you are, showing up right in front of my face through your awakened media.
...

What am I supposed to do?
If only you ask me to call you, I'll call.
If only you ask me to show up in front of you, I'll come.
If only you say you want me to make a joke, I'll bring you unforgettable awkward-face of mine to make you laugh, since I'm not really good at jokes.
If only you ask me to smile, I'll give my best.
...

But if you keep in silence, I assume that this 'writing' isn't even read or touched by you, or worse, means nothing for you.