From a Fool

Honestly, I didn't expect you to come out directly with direct words. I swear to God it's a big heart attack for me yet surprising in a positive way. And the other fact is, I didn't also feel like you meant that posting to me. That's why I put an '?' on it. Maybe I was too attracted in your previous writings, which means, I did realize, somehow, that those were for me. That's why I response it through a post.

I feel bad. I know I'm not good in shouting out loud my feeling directly, especially towards a person like you. I'm so not good in expressing naturally what comes to my mind through my face, body, or words [spoken], again, especially towards you. And believe me, I'm struggling to fix it, even sometimes I feel like I'm faking it. I want to be just my self, but something convince me to act more than just me. I know it's bad and stupid, but well, maybe I'm just such a fool. Hell I am the most successful fool person in dealing with 'this' thing.

I feel bad. You know, when I read something about you, my mind would be really reactive that I couldn't handle it sometimes. A lot of things, like you said A-Z, came to my mind and I was like picking it from a spread items. Worse, I made an assumption or even string up a perception. Though I knew I need to communicate, something related to my past told me not to. I was frightened of my own self, I was afraid that I took a wrong decision which will carry you away.

I feel bad. Now I know [a little bit more] what's really going on here. I have said my part once in front of you, and you've said yours in all the way you were at that time. We've walked the path even though only an inch far forward and things happened on you, on me, on its own part. Maybe you've been looking for more me, and all I've been giving was just a little, vice versa. Maybe the only thing we need, or I need, is to be more sincere, open, and perceivable(?).

Of course, it's emm if you still want to continue walking on it.

To close this posting, let me write down a lyric which is recently sung in my mind from John Mayer titled "Clarity", and if you can hear me, I'm singing it too ;)

Clarity
by John Mayer
I worry, I weigh three times my body
I worry, I throw my fear around
But this morning, there's a calm I can't explain
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on
Well all I got's

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
When it won't and it won't because it can't
It just can't It's not supposed to

Was there a second of time that I looked around?
Did I sail through or drop my anchor down
Was anything enough to kiss the ground?
And say I'm here now and she's here now

Ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh ooh

So much wasted in the afternoon
So much sacred in the month of June
How bout you

And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
That it won't and it won't
Because it won't
And I will waste no time
Worried 'bout no rainy weather
And I will waste no time
Remaining in our lives together




Picture taken from
http://jjwbhufugp.deviantart.com/art/Clarity-119931993?q=boost%3Apopular%20clarity&qo=37